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Friday, January 8th, 2010
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6:09 pm
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I don't think I've ever been a fan of the term "better half' in referring to one's partner. Call me unromantic, but it seems to imply some sort of imbalance in the relationship , perceived internally or externally.
If internal : why place the other person above yourself in worth? Such a beautiful thing to say that your mate completes you...that you weren't whole without them. I wouldn't deny that having that sort of intimate union is a wonderful thing. So full of rainbows... unicorns... butterflies... Having a partner can change you... But "better half"? What makes them better? Why be self depreciating for the sake of a complement heard or not?
If external : isn't that an arrogant and backhanded thing to say? Maybe if the other partner was a despicable human being, I could see the use of "better", but would they truly be halves? Do they even balance each other out? What makes you the authority to say such a thing?
If anything, the act of bettering is something both (or more) partners in a relationship should be undertaking. While it's ultimately the individual's choice and responsibility to take action, I believe that the best mates are the ones who encourage you to not only exist but excel. This isn't something to be viewed as a one sided either.
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*** 5 chocolate chips ^.^ Wanna feed my sugar high? ***
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| Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
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4:48 pm
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How to Make Fire
By Kabi Nibblekat Pyropants Dlost
Ed. Strife Muffinchu Chu
Please remember that this guide is by no means complete but a simple overview of some things to keep in mind when dealing with your potential new/old friend.
Giving Birth
Few of us are able to capture combustion wild from nature to tame - but for those who wish to have the company of a certain hot little number, it can be as simple as striking a match or the flick of a lighter. For the DIYers amongst us, friction is your friend. Bone dry wood, tinder, and the rubbing of hands works well. Flint and steel is a good stand by. A soda can and chocolate is a personal favorite next to the use of a magnifying glass (both with help from the sun). Experiment! However, do not wait until the fire is needed to see what works best. Urgency without caution makes way for error.
Living Space
Your fire needs room to grow and breathe. Without that and proper feed, it will suffer and extinguish. Make sure that it has adequate air flow and a fresh bed. Fire can be both expansionist and invasive if left unattended as it has a tendency to devour its home and bedding. Choose fireproof containers such as metal and stone or give your ember a pit if you plan to leave it unattended.
Be Mindful of Diet
Will you feed your pet flame plant matter? What kind? Dry driftwood, lumber, toothpicks, and timber are considered to be suitable materials. Paper products work as well, though the glue sizing agents result in a different flame compared to untreated wood. Different woods give off varied aromas in the resulting smoke. Apple and Cherry makes for a sweet smoke where Oak and Hickory lend to a heartier one. Herbs also make for a redolence either pleasing or repelling depending on your personal taste.
Gas and alcohol can give your flame a quick burst of energy but can also drown if of poor quality or too much. Sugar and hair are also wonderful snacks for a small blaze but not enough to keep it sustained over a long period of time.
Certain fats and oils can give a long and satisfying burn. Animal flesh has a similar effect if dried fully, though the smell is usually considered to be unappealing.
It is advised that you give your fire healthy foods. While tires and plastics will keep it alive - the resulting waste products can be very harmful to you.
Handle With Care
This might be one of the most important rules when dealing with fire. While we humans have learned how to conjure flame, the hardest part is sustaining it in a careful and safe manner. Whether you've come about your new flame by natural means or mechanical assistance, this helper can provide you with either seconds of light and warmth, or a lifetime of damage. As the saying goes: fire is a handy servant, but a dangerous master.
~
Congratulations! You're now the proud caretaker of this handy chemical reaction!
Don't be ashamed of your fire! It is your own! Nurture it and it will bring you moments of greatness!
Your millage may vary.
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*** 4 chocolate chips ^.^ Wanna feed my sugar high? ***
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| Friday, December 11th, 2009
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11:35 pm
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A gasp and eyes close...
Breathing slows...
And then a moan...
My emotions and intention make themselves known in the friction of skin against skin. My hands cupped and softly kneading away while watching every movement, feeling the undulation of each pulse and breath, and listening to every murmur elicited.
It's familiar, and almost expected. I feel the tension shift or start to melt away. Sometimes there's a slight shift of the body too, and I gently push my subject for the moment back into place. In gliding motions I feel the tremble of muscle and sometimes hardened knots from the day or days before. I make sure my hands are as warm as they can be and continue along my way.
~
I haven't yet gotten any complaints after I've given a massage. My goal, however short the moment may be, is to make the time spent special. The reaction is worth it and enough to make me want to learn all that I can about this touch I'd call almost sacred. This laying on of hands is almost second nature to me and - in its own way - healing.
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*** 5 chocolate chips ^.^ Wanna feed my sugar high? ***
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| Saturday, December 5th, 2009
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6:47 pm - 6x06 - "And Yet I Wish I Could Hide With You"
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I don't think I've ever really taken the time to watch a sunrise. I'm not a morning person but not so much a night owl as to occupy myself until dawn. The few times I've seen the first morning light were when I had assignments due for class, or if I had a case of visiting insomnia faeries. I've never seen the full glory of that light in the eastern sky but I've only felt the cool to warm cast it brings to the walls, sheets, and skin.
That first light is a signal for me to head to bed if I've been too occupied for my own good. I'm ushered to pillows and sheets if among friends or lover. Sleepless giddiness fills the air with giggles over things that would normally draw only a slight curl to my lips. I protest but am almost certain to sudden snores once tucked under covers. If alone, I turn off my game or put away my work. I might pull bedsheets over my head just enough to grumble at the uncivilized hour and robbed dreams.
The spectacular bands of red, purple, blue, and gold of a sunset have been more of a friend to me … or simply more familiar. My sunsets have stories and memories entwined. The flicker of the first stars dancing the evening sky brings about a swell and comfort. The end of the workday is the waking of my muse. Sunsets feel like home. But a sunrise?
Perhaps, I'll force myself to stay awake and focused long enough one night to behold that spectacle instead of casting my eyes to the walls, the sheets, or my sleeping beloved.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=92.2) therealljidol : 6x06 - Sunrise
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*** 3 chocolate chips ^.^ Wanna feed my sugar high? ***
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| Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
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4:53 pm - 6x05 - "And Yet I Hide Them Under My Skin"
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I always say that a lie will never be of to benefit me. “The truth will set you free” “When it comes out, it'll hurt more”. Things like this...
Little “white lies” for surprises or comfort do nothing but twist thorns in my conscience. Hyperbole and exaggeration, while bursting forth from my lips, frequently give pangs of guilt.
I've been told I give people false hope when I'm optimistic. I'm coldly crushing dreams when I'm being a realist.
My words and my silence are my mask. My vagueness is my shroud... a hæmatite veil... and a mirror.
Lies of omission...
Maybe that makes me a bigger liar than I'd ever care to admit.
therealljidol : 6x05 - Bearing False Witness
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*** 3 chocolate chips ^.^ Wanna feed my sugar high? ***
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| Friday, November 6th, 2009
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7:45 pm - 6x03 - "Everyone Has Their Own Love Drug"
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It wasn't until after you quit that you told me seeing me was like sunshine. You said I always had a smile on my face when I saw you. I think it was a "secret" smile shining through because of you.
You were a long time crush as far as my infatuations have gone. We'd worked together for four years and both had committed partners during that time. I wouldn't have called us friends but there was amicability between us. You would come by and fix some item or simply ask if anything to be tended to. I remembered your schedule and could time your visit, however brief, to the minute. A gaze would be shared... a joke... a laugh... Then with a flash of a grin you'd be gone again.
Sometimes we'd talk about classes in our closely related majors, or whatever course we happened to share that particular semester (something that seemed to happen by chance every term). We'd share commentary on the weather, politics, technology and theory in five to ten minute bursts. You’d tell me that you wished something would break so you could spend more time with me. I'd laugh and perhaps a blush would sneak through. That charismatic grin and a laugh of your own would always follow before you went on your way once more. I've never being been good at flirting. However, I think the forbidden knot which would grow in my stomach and throat with each hello made me say more than any twist of my hair or eye batting ever could.
After you quit and started working in the city, we kept contact as best we could. I talked about how things were going in my life. You talked about your relationship as it deteriorated under the guise of it still being happy. Conversations that we wouldn't have been able to get away with while working together were held. We shared laughs up until the day she left you and took your cat. Then, I comforted you. I made it known that I had no intention of being a rebound affair. You agreed.
Four years culminated into a month of heady encounters filled with a lusty limerence. Then for a while - silence. A few words would pass now and then or a hello on the street. Otherwise, nothing more than a quick smile would cross your lips before your hurried departure.
You saw me one day giving a friend a kiss. I love cuddly roughhousing and think nothing of public displays of affection. This comes easily with people I care for along with all my other idiosyncrasies. I smiled and introduced you and after that you went on your way. That night you asked and commented dryly on what my tastes in men might entail. "Tall and white?" I responded, "Smart, good sense of humor, kind and well mannered." You said nothing more and grew all the more distant. In the end, it was probably better this way.
Three years later, we don't talk very often. I remember how you briefly said to me after your move to the Midwest that I was intense. Perhaps, the thoughts bubbling behind that secret smile coming to the surface scared you away. It still sometimes creeps across my lips when I remember you speaking of my brilliance.
therealljidol : 6x03 - SMILE
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*** 10 chocolate chips ^.^ Wanna feed my sugar high? ***
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| Friday, October 30th, 2009
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3:14 pm - 6x02 - "Every Day Has Its Own Struggles"
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| Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
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7:46 pm - 6x01 - "Sometimes Saving Yourself Doesn't Take the Most Noble Form"
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Behind those doors it seemed the emphasis was always on making disciples above all else. For the men there was a mission to preach and lead in this endeavor. For the women there was the duty of listening and agreeing with the men without question while raising children to follow and take on the role prescribed to their gender. One's personal value and accomplishments were constantly measured against how many bible studies they conducted or followers gathered. All else was worthless, their truth was absolute, and any doubts were attacks against god. That's just the way life was within the congregation.
There was always applause when someone advanced their ministry, inducted a new student, or sired a new baptism. You were best behaved when you were quiet and considered well spoken if you accurately parroted doctrine. These things were the conditions for "unconditional" love, after all.
While growing, the few "true friends" I had within the congregation continued to do what was expected of them. No truer friends could there possibly be because the congregation claimed the rest of the world was full of traitors and liars. A true friend wouldn't criticize the bible or leave the faith. If they left with a mind full of ideas and questions or a belly full of child, they couldn't possibly be a true friend or even a decent person. One would be welcomed back with open arms and applause if they returned to being silent and "repented".
By speaking out, and questioning, I was alienated. I still see members of the congregation on the streets and will pass a polite smile or nod to those I recognize. Sometimes I'm greeted in return. Sometimes I'm asked if I plan to return to service with them. Other times I'm gloweringly addressed. I hold no ill will against them. As much as I enjoy complements and companionship, their particular variety of praise and approval is something I now happily live without.
therealljidol : 6x01 - Empty Gestures
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*** 14 chocolate chips ^.^ Wanna feed my sugar high? ***
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| Monday, October 12th, 2009
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3:23 pm - 6x00 - "I Don't Write Many Songs, but I'll Sing Them To You"
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Namaste.
Most people call me "Kabi". Persons who share my day job and those in my family call me by my given name. I'm a tad neurotic, increasingly private, not shy, and sharing the bats that fly around my mind has become something unsettling to me. However paradoxical it may be, I'm also a self-proclaimed "Queen of TMI."
Something I find interesting is how individuals tend to define themselves through a series of labels, and not by their accomplishments. "I am: my years alive on this planet, where I live, who I find attractive, what I do to make money, what I like to spend my free time doing, the faith system I subscribe to, color of my skin, chromosome pairing." Maybe the labels make it easier to find kinship in this world, but they do not say much in revealing who the secret person of one's heart is. Of course, that's a secret. In terms of a simple introduction, the average person does not have the time or enough interest to read a thirty page thesis deconstructing an individual personality (What chance is there for all the other personas living in one's skull?).
It's quick and easy for me to say I'm a twenty-something who says "twenty-something" because I forget how old I am on a regular basis - not out of vanity. (Though, I'm pretty sure that my twenty-eighth birthday is this coming December). It's simple to say I've lived in Jersey City, NJ all my life and my current belief system would be considered a cause for shunning based on my evangelical Christian upbringing. I've managed to acquire heaps of debt going to school for Information Systems Management and attempting to build an illustration studio for myself. Funds to dissolve that debt are obtained through work at a university's library technical support help desk in a position of management. I read tarot for self-reflection, yo-yo a vegetarian diet, pick my nose, am a picky bisexual, am dating a "very nice boy", fall into the range of a mage class, and meow. I'm living with EDNOS (and fighting not to follow that particular demon closely), love food (it tastes delicious), weight train (I love Xenia Sergeevna Onatopp), and promote HAES. I'm likely not a very good activist because I don't speak out for causes.
I'm told that my style of conversation is spontaneous and I drift easily from one topic to another. I think that my speech and thoughts bubble forth in weakly connected blurbs. I've kept journals for fifteen years and writing for therealljidol is an exercise in expressing myself outside of my body.
I could list lots of things of how I see myself, but such a catalog would last to my death and constantly change. It feels cheap to do so. Besides, you can learn a lot about an individual by the things they say and do.
I did say I'm a tad neurotic.
Namaste.
therealljidol : 6x00 - Introduction
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*** 33 chocolate chips ^.^ Wanna feed my sugar high? ***
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| Thursday, October 8th, 2009
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2:25 pm - And now we break the silence?
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| Saturday, August 4th, 2007
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11:38 pm - ¿is this inappropriate?
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